When you move to a new place in adulthood, making new friends isn’t easy. I’ve moved three times since graduating college and, everywhere I go, it seems difficult to meet people with whom I have a common interest. It certainly isn’t as easy as it was when I was in school. Blogger Rachel Bertsche at MWF Seeking BFF has precisely this problem. Having moved only a few years after college to be with her now-husband, she’s found herself without a best friend locally. Though very successful in her professional life, she’s spent two and a half years best-friend-less and thus decided that the time has come to step it up a notch and find one. She’s spent the past year blogging about her efforts to find someone and she’s writing a book about her search, which will be published in early 2012. When Jen at Booklicity contacted me and asked if I’d feature Rachel, of course I said yes.
One of the posts which struck a particular chord with me was Rachel’s discussion of how a husband isn’t quite enough in the friend department. This is something that’s also been true for me; I love my husband, but having him as my sole in-person anchor just doesn’t provide the same emotional satisfaction. He doesn’t always want to converse about people’s reactions in death, he’s not interested in what I’m wearing and whether it goes, and really sometimes he’d rather just go off and play a video game (or head out to snooker with one of his own friends). It’s so nice to find someone who feels similarly, and this is only one of the reasons I’ve become a reader of Rachel’s blog.
I also really enjoyed this post, wherein Rachel writes about how we think others won’t want us as friends. I think after school, we expect friendships will just pop up naturally, but in reality they just don’t always. People often love being your friend as much as you love being theirs – which is why, as she writes, going for it is actually a great move. This is something I’ve heard from others as well, but shyness is always a barrier. It’s a fantastic reminder that it it’s sometimes worth going out there and just meeting people. If you hit it off at work or in a book club, it’s worth trying to be friends outside too.
One of Rachel’s most recent posts, A Case of Friends That Could Be, hit a particularly relevant note for me, too. I have made friends towards the tail ends of time in particular places – in high school, in college, even in grad school – where I felt that those friendships could have definitely been more. I had plenty of close friends in college, so I didn’t think I needed more, but now I do often regret not chatting to those people more, not making an effort to be real friends while we had the chance. I did with one and it turned out to be a great friendship. Of course, I now don’t have the opportunity to see them and follow up like Rachel does – but should that come my way in the future, I am determined to do so.
In addition to these reflections on friendship issues that will resonate with all women – whether or not our best friend lives next door – Rachel is a fantastic writer, also loves to read, and has plenty to say about pop culture. I definitely recommend checking out her blog. I suspect you’ll become a subscriber just like I did.
I can relate to this so much. Heading over to Rachel’s blog immediately.
That point about people want to be your friends as much as you want to be theirs..is so very true. I struggle with making friends because I am shy. This post reminds me that others could be having the same issues, and it’s worth making efforts to break the ice and find common ground.
There are certain points in your life when it is easier to make friends than others. After all of our moves, I’ve learned to just put myself out there and I find that it generally works. I’m going to check out Rachel’s blog now.
It has always been hard for me to make friends, but lately I have found that it is coming easier to me. I have a few really good friends, and I have to agree that a husband does not really fill that role for me. This is a really good idea and I am going to check out this blog!
zibilee´s last post …The Valcourt Heiress by Catherine Coulter — 368 pages
Having moved around a few times myself, I totally empathise with how hard it can be to make friend. I think some people have the knack and others just don’t. Unfortunately I am in the don’t category. I have a steady group of friends but in the last year the one that I was closest to has met a bloke, and is getting married and the others are in a different financial situation to me, so things are changing and it really is time to try and find some more.
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My husband and I are best friends however, he is not my only best friend. You need other friends to bounce things off of, and to have time away from your spouse. Everyone needs either alone time or away time. There is nothing wrong with that. The web can only go so far. I would say if you have any hobbies, like knitting or books look for clubs or something. Or maybe someone from work? Two of my dearest friends I met at work and through knitting. I will say this though, when I was younger I had tons of friends now I have very few. Over time, interests change, people change and your circle gets smaller.
I will be sure to check Rachel out.
jennygirl´s last post …Review- The Perfect Bride for Mr Darcy by Mary Lydon Simonsen
I can definitely relate. It seems like as you get older it gets harder and harder to make friends. I don’t know why.
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So true! I moved a lot in my young adult life. I’ll be checking into Rachel’s blog.
Beth F´s last post …Weekend Cooking- Ina Gartens Vegetable Tian
I absolutely agree that it is difficult to make new friends in new towns, especially as an adult. What a great idea for a blog and book project- I think a lot of people will be able to relate to it.
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I’ve been reading Rachel’s blog for a few months now (also thanks to Jen). I’m not really in the same place in life that she is, but I do identify a lot with her search for a BFF and I enjoy following it.
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