When you move to a new place in adulthood, making new friends isn’t easy. I’ve moved three times since graduating college and, everywhere I go, it seems difficult to meet people with whom I have a common interest. It certainly isn’t as easy as it was when I was in school. Blogger Rachel Bertsche at MWF Seeking BFF has precisely this problem. Having moved only a few years after college to be with her now-husband, she’s found herself without a best friend locally. Though very successful in her professional life, she’s spent two and a half years best-friend-less and thus decided that the time has come to step it up a notch and find one. She’s spent the past year blogging about her efforts to find someone and she’s writing a book about her search, which will be published in early 2012. When Jen at Booklicity contacted me and asked if I’d feature Rachel, of course I said yes.
One of the posts which struck a particular chord with me was Rachel’s discussion of how a husband isn’t quite enough in the friend department. This is something that’s also been true for me; I love my husband, but having him as my sole in-person anchor just doesn’t provide the same emotional satisfaction. He doesn’t always want to converse about people’s reactions in death, he’s not interested in what I’m wearing and whether it goes, and really sometimes he’d rather just go off and play a video game (or head out to snooker with one of his own friends). It’s so nice to find someone who feels similarly, and this is only one of the reasons I’ve become a reader of Rachel’s blog.
I also really enjoyed this post, wherein Rachel writes about how we think others won’t want us as friends. I think after school, we expect friendships will just pop up naturally, but in reality they just don’t always. People often love being your friend as much as you love being theirs – which is why, as she writes, going for it is actually a great move. This is something I’ve heard from others as well, but shyness is always a barrier. It’s a fantastic reminder that it it’s sometimes worth going out there and just meeting people. If you hit it off at work or in a book club, it’s worth trying to be friends outside too.
One of Rachel’s most recent posts, A Case of Friends That Could Be, hit a particularly relevant note for me, too. I have made friends towards the tail ends of time in particular places – in high school, in college, even in grad school – where I felt that those friendships could have definitely been more. I had plenty of close friends in college, so I didn’t think I needed more, but now I do often regret not chatting to those people more, not making an effort to be real friends while we had the chance. I did with one and it turned out to be a great friendship. Of course, I now don’t have the opportunity to see them and follow up like Rachel does – but should that come my way in the future, I am determined to do so.
In addition to these reflections on friendship issues that will resonate with all women – whether or not our best friend lives next door – Rachel is a fantastic writer, also loves to read, and has plenty to say about pop culture. I definitely recommend checking out her blog. I suspect you’ll become a subscriber just like I did.